The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.

Henri Nouwen

Dear Friends,

On Tuesday night I arrived back in NYC after two intense weeks in Israel.  As I drove home from JFK I was jarred by the fake ghosts, costumes and candy carnival of Halloween. The real ghosts and zombies were the ones I left behind in the war zone, where hundreds of the 10/7 massacre have not yet been identified or buried, where new graves are dug each day, and where everybody knows somebody killed, held captive, hurt, or in uniform.  In Gaza, and in the West Bank,  mounting numbers of innocent Palestinians are attacked, killed or buried under debris.

All over the world, raw ripples of rage ravage with added violence. This is fast becoming much bigger than Israel and Hamas. On our streets and screens, we are experiencing antisemitic attacks, struggling to make sense of the fast-paced news, and trying to maintain personal and professional relationships that are fracturing as we inhabit many worlds that seem to stretch and test our bonds of solidarity. As this poem by Yehuda Amichai reminds us, “The diameter of the bomb..includes the entire world in the circle.”

This weekend we will mark one unbearable month  into this terrible trauma – and there seems to be no end in sight to the grief.

With so much unknown and so little that we can control – what can we take control of?  How can we claim agency to not just doom-scroll in despair, to make room for our grief, and also be helpful, individually and collectively, to ourselves and others at this time?

While none of us may have the answers, I believe that we can start by showing up, with and for each other – stretching our muscles of empathy and care, holding each other’s hurts, and exploring, together,  how to best cope, hope, and heal.

We need to be each other’s friends who care.

We need the time and space to process our despair, and lift up whatever we can do to repair.

So please join us tomorrow, and in these coming days and weeks, in person and online, to remember how to be resilient.  See below for details.

I am deeply grateful to so many of you who’ve been already showing up in so many ways, including generous donations to multiple worthy causes, and reaching out to each other, and to me, with kindness and care that helps lift up  the best in us.

Albert Einstein reminds us: “We cannot despair of humanity, since we ourselves are human beings.”

Please join us this week:

  • Saturday 11/4 @7pm ET, Online – 30 Days Later: Reflections and Conversation
    Join me this Saturday night Nov. 4, to mark the end of Shabbat, light a memorial candle, hear highlights and takeaways from my two weeks in Israel, ask questions and discuss more ways for us to respond and support. Learn more here.

  • Sunday 11/5 @8pm ET, Online – Kavanah: A Shmira-Inspired Shloshim Gathering
    On Sunday, 11/5, Naomi Less will be co-leading an online SHLOSHIM (thirtieth day of mourning) gathering of prayer and learning, In partnership with Shomer Collective and Kavod v’Nichum. Learn more here.

  • Monday 11/6 @5:30pm ET, Central Park West from 83rd-85th Street – Marking 30 Days with UJA-Federation of NY
    Join UJA-Federation of NY for a powerful vigil and rally as we hear from elected officials and community leaders. Special performances by GAD ELBAZ and IDAN RAICHEL. Questions? Contact unitedforisrael@ujafedny.org.

  • Monday 11/6 @7pm ET,  Kane Street Synagogue – Marking One Month 
    I will be joined by Shira Kline and our friends from the Brooklyn Jewish Community at Kane Street Synagogue as we observe mark “shloshim,” thirty days since the tremendous losses incurred that day and since. We will join in music, community, and comfort. Sign up here.

  • Wednesday 11/8 @6pm ET, Online – Heart Circle
    Join us on Wednesdays through December 20th for a sacred space of refuge – online and free of charge – where we can open our hearts, check in on one another, and share compassion, resources, and care. Heart Circles will be facilitated by the Lab/Shul ritual team and mental health professionals from the Lab/Shul Partnerhood. Learn more.

Our next Sabbath Queen will be at Invisible Dog in Brooklyn on November 17.  Join us to sing, sit in silence, pray and eat together as we co-create a sanctuary of sacred space and time together. Register here.

AND PLAN AHEAD FOR HANUKKAH! 

We’ll need all the warmth and candles we could get.  I am looking forward to our WINTER COMMUNITY RETREAT  in Connecticut, celebrating Hanukkah and the power of light and hope. See info here and sign up today.

Learn more at this link. For additional information, contact Stephen Silva at stephen@labshul.org.

As this Shabbat begins, I hope you make some time for sacred silence, prayer for the safe return,  healing and hope for all our loved ones.

Please light another candle  with the intention of THE MOTHERS PRAYER FOR PEACE.

And a Sabbath gift:

I just posted a stunning live performance in both Hebrew and Arabic of ELI ELI – a beloved prayer-poem that was performed by my friend Dhalia at the Israeli-Palestinian Peace Circle I attended in Jerusalem just before coming back to NYC.

I wish us all a Sabbath  – and lifetime – of peace, hope and healing.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Amichai Lau-Lavie
Co-Founder & Spiritual Leader